Thursday, December 13, 2012

Blessings or Crutches

To pray "Lord, bring me to my knees in hardship that I would learn about your goodness" isn't normal. That is how God works, though. I heard some lyrics by Laura Story come through my Pandora station recently and its lack of sappy sentimentalism struck me. They reminded me of my prayer for my mom many years ago. I prayed that God would do whatever it took to open my mom's eyes to Him. But that was before she was diagnosed with cancer; I wanted to rescind my prayer after the dismal diagnosis. She lived three more months and God did open her eyes.

I didn't become a Christian until I was 30 and although I sought truth, I didn't expect to find it in Jesus Christ. But, there He was. I spent most of those 30 years thinking Christianity was a crutch for the weak or for people with nothing better to do. But the last twenty-something years, God has shown me that real faith means throwing away the crutches of materialism and self-sufficiency and living an exhilarating life of adventure with the God of the Bible. The things I have done in the name of faith would never have been undertaken without a deep-seeded trust in the Creator. Although my imperfect faith is often mixed with fear and anxiety, it is faith nonetheless.

Here is a recap of my life in the name of faith:  I never wanted children but I trusted God and now we have five. God has made me rich beyond description through this experience and is working in my children in spite of me. I thought happiness and fulfillment would come through a career in interior design. When our first child was born, I left design and became a full time mom and wife, something I never, never would have done BC (before Christ or children). I've moved at least 15 times in 23 years, including 4 states and 2 countries, watching and waiting to see what God was up to the entire time, often in utter bewilderment.

I immersed myself in bible study via radio broadcast since I was home so much and, to my surprise, all those years of listening and studying have stuck so when times are hard,which they always are, those wonderful verses fill my mind and heart. When my husband asked me to consider working from home, while schooling the kids to help put him through seminary, I said yes. Four years later, I had learned enough about Internet publishing and became familiar with online business that this year I was hired by a large church to be part of their broadcast ministry. This was not part of my original plan, but it sure seems to fit into what God has been doing all along.  It is my hope that the ministry of which I am a part will help people who listen via broadcast/ Internet know their Creator.

These last twenty-some years have been incredibly difficult and often painful and I know the journey isn't over.  I've learned to pray for strength above all else and I seldom pray for things, probably, because most of the "things" I pray for don't receive a "yes" from the giver of all good things. People close to me have died, fortunes have been lost, children have rebelled, and friendships have gone by the wayside with all the moves. But, in the end, I know that I am an alien in a foreign land and I wouldn't take back those crutches for all the world, after all, my home is in heaven.

Here is the song I was listening to that inspired this post.